To Days of Inspiration

It seems to me that everything right now revolves around the future. A reoccurring thought in my head from last night was “nothing ever lasts.” This week I did a show for my chorus called Cabaret. It comes around this time every year and is the most fun we have in the class, and last night was our last show. For some people, it was their last show ever. Last night’s show was also special because of the Rose Ceremony, which is for all the graduating seniors of chorus who are leaving us. I’m sure they’re excited, and I’m excited for them too, but I keep wondering why it isn’t my turn yet. Yesterday was also the day that all high school seniors sport the t-shirt of their future college. I saw plenty of great places—University of Georgia, Mississippi State, James Madison University, Furman University, and so many places that I could only dream of going. Not that I couldn’t get in, but just that I want to be there now. It’s always been difficult for me to live in the present. Because I’ve been raised by two older sisters, I’m used to acting older (sometimes). But seriously, I can’t think of something or someone in my life that isn’t focused on their future right now. Sammi is focusing on her amazing summer in Montana and graduating early from App State . Caroline has her eyes on graduation next week (can you believe it?!) and her copious plans for the summer. Oh and the fact that she’ll be in the “real world” very soon. But me. I’m a 15-year-old girl who has yet the ability to drive, is living at home with her parents, and has barely any plans for the summer. Sounds fun. I have the usual plans, which include Vacation Bible School, Camp Longridge , and traveling with the family (Boston this year!). But I keep asking God what my plans are, what I should be excited about, what my future looks like. Where the heck am I going to college? What should I do with my life? These seem like daunting questions for someone my age, but here, where we’re forced to always think about grades and our future and how much money we’ll make and basically meaningless crap like that, I’m compelled to wonder. Even watching some Netflix last night brought up questions like these in my head. I was watching the season two finale of BBC America’s “Skins.” That show is brilliant, by the way. All the characters (which are eight drunken, junkie, crazy, carpe diem, do-whatever-you-want-even-if-it-screws-you-over young people) were finally graduating from school. After seamlessly reviewing where everybody might end up after getting their last grades, it was done. One guy died. One girl ran away to New York City. One guy brought his partner along to London. One couple decided that leaving each other was inevitable. But as my own schooling is wrapping up this year, I can’t get my mind off this theme. My sophomore year is about to end and then I’ll be an upperclassman. Half of my high school career will be over. I hate to say I’m relieved, but I’m so excited to know what’s in my future. For now, I have no bloody idea what I’ll be doing in five years. Probably going to be at some small school that I love, doing the same thing I am right now. Wondering. Waiting. Wishing. (Maybe Jack Johnson should switch his song title for me.) So aren’t we all focused on our futures? I think so.

Musical Inspiration: Everybody Knows by Ryan Adams, from the album Easy Tiger
Spiritual Inspiration: Philippians 1:21 (the Message version is especially great for this one)

More to come on this subject.

Much love,

R.E.