open up the sky,

It’s been a rollercoaster of emotions this past week. Last Sunday was beautiful, but most every day following…not so much. A week ago at church I spoke a little bit about my trip to Mexico (go to carolineinthecityblog.com to read up on it) and I felt euphoric. God completely spoke through me, so much so that I didn’t even quite know what I was saying. Not in that embarrassing, I-can’t-stop-talking-and-I’m-just-digging-myself-into-a-hole kind of way, but in a way that I knew that those words coming out of my mouth were God’s and not my own. I just felt so high on God like I had been in Mexico and I loved it. But Monday rolled around and I was back to rock bottom. Basically, I was back to normal and it sucked. I had to go to school and push through seven hours of stuff I don’t care about. So for the first few days this week, I did not want to get out of bed. It’d be so much easier to sleep all day or to just stay at home and talk to God instead of having to deal with people pulling me down from that high I wanted to keep so badly. So my thoughts followed this trend, and all I could think was, “God--dude, this is harder than I thought.” And honestly, it is. It’s difficult to wake up every morning and have to put yourself aside to submit to something else. Even if what I give myself to is the creator of the universe and of me, my selfish nature is putting up a real fight here. I could just wake up, dress to impress so that I can grab a guy, and do whatever the heck I want. But that’s just not who I’m called to be. I’m called to be an amazing daughter of God. A girl full of love and compassion and, ultimately, someone with a heart of worship and devotion to God. But every day that I choose to wake up to myself instead of Jesus, I feel weak and unable to fulfill God’s plan for me. I feel disappointing, like I’m not giving myself fully to the greater story that God has for me (and all of his children). But Isaiah 40 and 41 has rocked my world in times like these. "Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God...He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless (40:28-29)." So keep us folks who are home from mission trips in your thoughts and prayers. We’ve got to keep on going and we’re doing the best we can!

More to come,

Rachel